It's a good feeling to want to blog, rather than to have it as something on the To-Do list that I feel guilty about not doing. (Clearly, I haven't felt the urge in a while...) It's been a combination of lack of inspiration and the bizarre cloudy fatigue that comes with being an Intern.
I guess I go through waves though, of reading my Yoga Journal from cover to cover, and reading all of the articles on Elephant Journal, and listening to lots of smarty-pants podcasts, and wanting to share all these things that I've learned....and then sometimes I go through waves of sticking my head in the sand and listening to nothing but Taylor Swift on pop radio and saying lalalalala I don't want to think!
Hubby and I have lots going on in our life right now - one of those big exciting life changes that makes you swing from over-the-moon excited to holy-moly terrified in a matter of minutes. And there are lots of big excited changes coming up for me, and for us, in the coming year. I have been looking forward to the year 2013 ever since I was accepted to graduate school three years ago, and I certainly couldn't have imagined what other things would be in store for us this year beyond my graduation. But that alone feels like a really Big Deal to me. The idea of finishing school and applying for jobs and actually beginning my real life career feels very major. And of course, as with anything that involves a lot of transition and anticipation, I feel impatient and scared. I like to have things figured out, but why have I not yet figured out that life will always be like this? There will always be something to figure out.
I just read an article, thanks to Elephant Journal, about how busy-ness is the ultimate laziness, because it turns off your brain. You think you are getting things done, but really, you are making yourself less efficient. And by making the time to SIT and meditate, you are actually opening up space for the rest of your life to fit in your day. For some reason, that just blew my mind tonight. It's so simple. But really, if you are not giving yourself true unstructured time, then you're not giving your brain a chance to tap into its true creativity. I am good at giving myself time to "relax" - but I fill it with facebook and pinterest and checking my email for the bazillionth time. The internet is such a black hole, full of amazing goodness, but also full of time suckitude.
I usually try to set some kind of New Year's resolution, or goal, or whatever you'd like to call it. I think I need to cut back on the internet! I need to give myself some time to just be. And I hope it means that I will end up being a better version of myself in the end, because lately, I think I've been kind of a dud. But that's yoga, too...forgiving yourself, and starting again, because it is all a part of the practice.