It's a good feeling to want to blog, rather than to have it as something on the To-Do list that I feel guilty about not doing. (Clearly, I haven't felt the urge in a while...) It's been a combination of lack of inspiration and the bizarre cloudy fatigue that comes with being an Intern.
I guess I go through waves though, of reading my Yoga Journal from cover to cover, and reading all of the articles on Elephant Journal, and listening to lots of smarty-pants podcasts, and wanting to share all these things that I've learned....and then sometimes I go through waves of sticking my head in the sand and listening to nothing but Taylor Swift on pop radio and saying lalalalala I don't want to think!
Hubby and I have lots going on in our life right now - one of those big exciting life changes that makes you swing from over-the-moon excited to holy-moly terrified in a matter of minutes. And there are lots of big excited changes coming up for me, and for us, in the coming year. I have been looking forward to the year 2013 ever since I was accepted to graduate school three years ago, and I certainly couldn't have imagined what other things would be in store for us this year beyond my graduation. But that alone feels like a really Big Deal to me. The idea of finishing school and applying for jobs and actually beginning my real life career feels very major. And of course, as with anything that involves a lot of transition and anticipation, I feel impatient and scared. I like to have things figured out, but why have I not yet figured out that life will always be like this? There will always be something to figure out.
I just read an article, thanks to Elephant Journal, about how busy-ness is the ultimate laziness, because it turns off your brain. You think you are getting things done, but really, you are making yourself less efficient. And by making the time to SIT and meditate, you are actually opening up space for the rest of your life to fit in your day. For some reason, that just blew my mind tonight. It's so simple. But really, if you are not giving yourself true unstructured time, then you're not giving your brain a chance to tap into its true creativity. I am good at giving myself time to "relax" - but I fill it with facebook and pinterest and checking my email for the bazillionth time. The internet is such a black hole, full of amazing goodness, but also full of time suckitude.
I usually try to set some kind of New Year's resolution, or goal, or whatever you'd like to call it. I think I need to cut back on the internet! I need to give myself some time to just be. And I hope it means that I will end up being a better version of myself in the end, because lately, I think I've been kind of a dud. But that's yoga, too...forgiving yourself, and starting again, because it is all a part of the practice.
Saturday, January 5, 2013
Sunday, September 30, 2012
What do I dream of?
Alex and I are having a quiet, rainy day at home today (after a fun-filled busy day of me learning to auto cross yesterday!) We are having a Netflix marathon, and we just watched Jiro Dreams of Sushi, a documentary about a sushi chef in Tokyo. It's amazing to make such a fascinating film about such a simple idea. But I suppose like the sushi itself, in its simplicity, the complexity is more easily discerned. Jiro is 85 and still working full time as a master sushi chef, in his restaurant with 9 seats at the bar, located in a subway station. Despite its modest location, the restaurant has received the prestigious 3-star Michelin rating, which means "it's worth traveling to that country just to eat this food." Jiro has trained both his sons in the art of sushi, and he requires that his apprentices work there for 10 years before they can be considered skilled.
Jiro is clearly driven, and it seems that his career was more of a "calling" than a choice. I love the way they portray the skilled people in the movie - even the person who selects the seafood for the market - they are so ambitious and particular, they only select the best. Several times they said, "it's not about the money." It was so clearly more about always improving, always striving, and the spirituality of loving one's work. When I was a little girl, I remember hearing priests in church talking about the calling to become a priest. And while I knew I wasn't meant to be a religious person, I always wanted to experience that feeling of being meant to do something.
One detail that stood out to me while watching the documentary, though, was that Jiro did not spend much time with his children when they were young. His love for sushi always seemed to supersede his love for anything else. He left for the restaurant at 5am and returned at 10pm after his boys were asleep. It seems he didn't get to see them until they were old enough to work with him at the restaurant, which is so sad to me. It made me think of the article from this summer in the Atlantic about "Why Women Still Can't Have It All", and how the way the working world is structured, one can't be a good parent and work the hours necessary to reach the top-level positions. It still seems like you can raise a family, or you can be a master at something, but you can't do both. I think I've decided that I'd rather have a family and do a good job at that, but there is still a seed of ambition inside me that wants to be a truly great, notable, expert at something....
We'll see what Life has in store for me, but in the meantime, I think it's a perfect day to eat some sushi!
Jiro is clearly driven, and it seems that his career was more of a "calling" than a choice. I love the way they portray the skilled people in the movie - even the person who selects the seafood for the market - they are so ambitious and particular, they only select the best. Several times they said, "it's not about the money." It was so clearly more about always improving, always striving, and the spirituality of loving one's work. When I was a little girl, I remember hearing priests in church talking about the calling to become a priest. And while I knew I wasn't meant to be a religious person, I always wanted to experience that feeling of being meant to do something.
One detail that stood out to me while watching the documentary, though, was that Jiro did not spend much time with his children when they were young. His love for sushi always seemed to supersede his love for anything else. He left for the restaurant at 5am and returned at 10pm after his boys were asleep. It seems he didn't get to see them until they were old enough to work with him at the restaurant, which is so sad to me. It made me think of the article from this summer in the Atlantic about "Why Women Still Can't Have It All", and how the way the working world is structured, one can't be a good parent and work the hours necessary to reach the top-level positions. It still seems like you can raise a family, or you can be a master at something, but you can't do both. I think I've decided that I'd rather have a family and do a good job at that, but there is still a seed of ambition inside me that wants to be a truly great, notable, expert at something....
We'll see what Life has in store for me, but in the meantime, I think it's a perfect day to eat some sushi!
Monday, September 17, 2012
This American Life
I finally listened to this weekend's This American Life podcast. Even though it just became download-able, it still felt like "finally," because both Alex and my mother-in-law told me it was a great episode that I would love. And boy, did I! You can listen to it or download it here, and you better go and do so immediately!
It was a great episode about education. The opening story was a wonderful example about how test scores don't really measure everything that is essential, even though these tests and scores have become increasingly important. Test scores are tied to funding and ratings about performance for No Child Left Behind, and they are constantly being talked about as a way of rating teacher performance as well. But the problem is, those tests only measure concrete academic skills. So even if the test is perfect, and measures exactly what it intends to measure (math and reading abilities) and there is no possible test anxiety or outside factors that might make a person who knows those facts do poorly, it is still not measuring certain skills that are essential to success.
The podcast opens with an economist. This economist, upon hearing that many students who dropped out of middle school or high school were able to take a short-term course (an average of 32 hours study time) and then pass the GED (a high school equivalency exam), thought to himself, "Well, gee! We don't need high school then! If you can learn 4 years worth of material in 32 hours, wouldn't it be more efficient for everyone to just take the GED?" So he did a study, but ended up finding that when comparing people who graduated from high school with people who dropped out but passed the GED exam, the people who had GED's were much less successful as far as job rates, salary, divorce rates, etc. So even though, according to this test, the GED students had the same skills as the high school graduates, it wasn't the case as far as life success. So what are these skills that are apparently essential, but not measured on a standardized test?
In the podcast, they called them "non-cognitive skills" but also, personality, character, social skills, and executive functioning. As it turns out, being able to control your impulses, delay gratification, and persist in tasks lead to better success in life. (No kidding!) The crazy part is that kiddos who grow up in exceptionally stressful environments and who don't have great attachments to their parents are even less likely to be able to develop these "non-cognitive" skills, because their brains are all haywire, just trying to cope with the day to day stresses of life. Then, once the brain has made all those neural pathways for reacting to stress, it means that those reactions become the "go-to" responses to any kind of stress, even if it's, "Can you answer these math problems please?"
The lucky part is that the brain is plastic. We CAN re-train and re-wire the brain to create new neural pathways, new habits, new responses. It cemented my belief in the importance of my job as a school psychologist, and all people who work with kiddos, to teach them how to become successful human beings, not just successful test takers. And it cemented my belief in the importance of teaching kids yoga, as well as other coping skills and other "non-cognitive" skills. We actually CAN teach the brain to have a less "haywire" response. Through breathing and meditation, we can actually help train the nervous system, which is just so darn cool.
It was really nice to listen to a story on NPR about education and not want to rip out my hair afterwards. It actually made me feel hopeful.
<3
It was a great episode about education. The opening story was a wonderful example about how test scores don't really measure everything that is essential, even though these tests and scores have become increasingly important. Test scores are tied to funding and ratings about performance for No Child Left Behind, and they are constantly being talked about as a way of rating teacher performance as well. But the problem is, those tests only measure concrete academic skills. So even if the test is perfect, and measures exactly what it intends to measure (math and reading abilities) and there is no possible test anxiety or outside factors that might make a person who knows those facts do poorly, it is still not measuring certain skills that are essential to success.
The podcast opens with an economist. This economist, upon hearing that many students who dropped out of middle school or high school were able to take a short-term course (an average of 32 hours study time) and then pass the GED (a high school equivalency exam), thought to himself, "Well, gee! We don't need high school then! If you can learn 4 years worth of material in 32 hours, wouldn't it be more efficient for everyone to just take the GED?" So he did a study, but ended up finding that when comparing people who graduated from high school with people who dropped out but passed the GED exam, the people who had GED's were much less successful as far as job rates, salary, divorce rates, etc. So even though, according to this test, the GED students had the same skills as the high school graduates, it wasn't the case as far as life success. So what are these skills that are apparently essential, but not measured on a standardized test?
In the podcast, they called them "non-cognitive skills" but also, personality, character, social skills, and executive functioning. As it turns out, being able to control your impulses, delay gratification, and persist in tasks lead to better success in life. (No kidding!) The crazy part is that kiddos who grow up in exceptionally stressful environments and who don't have great attachments to their parents are even less likely to be able to develop these "non-cognitive" skills, because their brains are all haywire, just trying to cope with the day to day stresses of life. Then, once the brain has made all those neural pathways for reacting to stress, it means that those reactions become the "go-to" responses to any kind of stress, even if it's, "Can you answer these math problems please?"
The lucky part is that the brain is plastic. We CAN re-train and re-wire the brain to create new neural pathways, new habits, new responses. It cemented my belief in the importance of my job as a school psychologist, and all people who work with kiddos, to teach them how to become successful human beings, not just successful test takers. And it cemented my belief in the importance of teaching kids yoga, as well as other coping skills and other "non-cognitive" skills. We actually CAN teach the brain to have a less "haywire" response. Through breathing and meditation, we can actually help train the nervous system, which is just so darn cool.
It was really nice to listen to a story on NPR about education and not want to rip out my hair afterwards. It actually made me feel hopeful.
<3
Saturday, September 8, 2012
A beautiful day
To gild refined gold, to paint the lily,
To throw a perfume on the violet,
To smooth the ice, or add another hue
Unto the rainbow, or with taper-light
To seek the beauteous eye of heaven to garnish,
Is wasteful and ridiculous excess.
-William Shakespeare,
King John
Tuesday, August 28, 2012
Perspective
I have been thinking a lot about the idea of perspective this summer. It all started way back with the Radiolab podcast on colors. I remember listening to it while running, and it completely blew my mind that other creatures, like butterflies and mantis shrimp, can see SO many more colors than we humans can. What would it be like to see the world from the perspective of a mantis shrimp, where everything is bright and vivid and more distinguished? It'd be like living inside a rainbow.
I had to consider the idea of "perspective" often while I was at camp this summer. For many of my kiddos, one of their goals was to learn to take others' perspectives. This can be tough for many of us, but for little guys and gals on the spectrum, it is a whole other mountain to climb. For some, I had to start with the basics, reading nonverbal expression ("Look at her face, does she look happy?") and build from there...("No? Well, then do you think she liked what you just did? Do you think you should do it again, or maybe say you are sorry?") I'm not entirely sure how much progress we made with those goals, but my own perspective surely shifted rapidly at the beginning of camp. I had to quickly adjust my idea of "success." Behaviors that might be a "given" in another class were really something to celebrate at camp. It surprised me how much "little problems" were "big problems" to my campers. Something as simple as rearranging the Legos or being last in line could escalate into a major crisis if I wasn't careful. So the moment when I heard a kiddo say, in a polite voice, "Excuse me, your yoga mat is touching mine, could you move it over?" and the other boy said, "Sure!" and then actually moved his mat....I nearly fell over on the floor in disbelief. It was amazing! Seriously.
Now this week, I've started my new internship in an elementary school, and I am really excited. My supervisor is over-the-top fantastic, and the principal of the school is basically a real life super hero. She gave a welcome meeting today, where she talked about perspective when collaborating with other adults. Two of the main points, that I just loved, and think are so important to remember every day are these: One, assume positive intent. Two, ask for explanation. When we are talking to parents or other teachers or adults in the school, we should assume that they are coming to the situation with good intentions. Parents love their kids. Teachers choose their professions because they love kids, because they want to make a difference in the world (they certainly don't choose it for the paycheck, or the glamor!) If we disagree, it's likely just a difference in perspective. So really, we don't need to argue! All we need to do is say, "You see something I don't see. Help me see it your way. I see something you don't see. Let me show you." It sounds simple, but we all know it's not. I just hope that I can keep these things in mind as I become a part of this school!
Here's to keeping a positive outlook! May this internship be a wonderful learning experience, where I am grateful for the opportunities I am given.
Nietzsche said, "There are no facts, only interpretations."
And a witty t-shirt said, "Optimists say the glass is half full. Pessimists say the glass is half empty. Engineers say the container is twice as big as it needs to be."
We all see things differently, but luckily, we have some control over ourselves and how we react. Here's to keeping my perspective positive, and as colorful as the shrimp's world.
I had to consider the idea of "perspective" often while I was at camp this summer. For many of my kiddos, one of their goals was to learn to take others' perspectives. This can be tough for many of us, but for little guys and gals on the spectrum, it is a whole other mountain to climb. For some, I had to start with the basics, reading nonverbal expression ("Look at her face, does she look happy?") and build from there...("No? Well, then do you think she liked what you just did? Do you think you should do it again, or maybe say you are sorry?") I'm not entirely sure how much progress we made with those goals, but my own perspective surely shifted rapidly at the beginning of camp. I had to quickly adjust my idea of "success." Behaviors that might be a "given" in another class were really something to celebrate at camp. It surprised me how much "little problems" were "big problems" to my campers. Something as simple as rearranging the Legos or being last in line could escalate into a major crisis if I wasn't careful. So the moment when I heard a kiddo say, in a polite voice, "Excuse me, your yoga mat is touching mine, could you move it over?" and the other boy said, "Sure!" and then actually moved his mat....I nearly fell over on the floor in disbelief. It was amazing! Seriously.
Now this week, I've started my new internship in an elementary school, and I am really excited. My supervisor is over-the-top fantastic, and the principal of the school is basically a real life super hero. She gave a welcome meeting today, where she talked about perspective when collaborating with other adults. Two of the main points, that I just loved, and think are so important to remember every day are these: One, assume positive intent. Two, ask for explanation. When we are talking to parents or other teachers or adults in the school, we should assume that they are coming to the situation with good intentions. Parents love their kids. Teachers choose their professions because they love kids, because they want to make a difference in the world (they certainly don't choose it for the paycheck, or the glamor!) If we disagree, it's likely just a difference in perspective. So really, we don't need to argue! All we need to do is say, "You see something I don't see. Help me see it your way. I see something you don't see. Let me show you." It sounds simple, but we all know it's not. I just hope that I can keep these things in mind as I become a part of this school!
Here's to keeping a positive outlook! May this internship be a wonderful learning experience, where I am grateful for the opportunities I am given.
Nietzsche said, "There are no facts, only interpretations."
And a witty t-shirt said, "Optimists say the glass is half full. Pessimists say the glass is half empty. Engineers say the container is twice as big as it needs to be."
We all see things differently, but luckily, we have some control over ourselves and how we react. Here's to keeping my perspective positive, and as colorful as the shrimp's world.
Monday, August 6, 2012
Self Esteem
I remember being surprised (and maybe a little embarrassed) when I saw the documentary Waiting for Superman, when they described how Americans, although pretty far down on the rankings of competency in math and science, rank #1 in self esteem. We certainly think we are the best, even if we are far from it. I remember finding that to be....somewhat shameful. Especially as it was presented in the documentary, it made us seem arrogant and narcissistic, without the goods to back it up. While I do think that confidence is a crucial piece of success, one also needs to have a certain level of skill and competence to complete the picture.
However, after my work at camp, I am wondering - whose self esteem were they measuring and reporting in that documentary?
I ask this with a story in mind that has been haunting me over the last week. I had seen a cute activity online that I decided to do with my group at camp. (Remember that the majority of my kiddos are on the autism spectrum, or have severe ADHD or anxiety related issues). The activity was to read The Giving Tree out loud, and then have the kiddos think of a gift that they give the world to write down on an apple. Then I figured, we'd draw a big poster of a tree and post the apples on it to display in our classroom. I read the kids the book. Most of them were familiar with it and the idea that one should not be selfish or take too much from nature. They were less familiar with the concept that, even when we think we have nothing left to give (the stump at the end of the story), we may just be the very thing that someone needs. However, the second the words came out of my mouth that we were going to write down the gifts we give the world, one of my girls burst into tears. She was so convinced that she had nothing worthwhile to offer, this "assignment" made her overwhelmed and extremely upset. Another kiddo refused to write something down (even when given multiple suggestions) and became upset when I decided to write something down for him and post it anyway.
I was flabbergasted. Many of the children were able to write down something simple like "nice" or "kind" on their apples, but a few truly did not believe they had any positive qualities. It made me sad, and it made me remember to be compassionate. These kiddos may seem "oblivious" at times, but they certainly are not. They are often well-aware of how they are perceived by the world.
After some thinking, I decided to focus on affirmations in the next yoga class I taught as a sort of "antidote" to this negative thinking. We all shouted out that we are "joyful, truthful, loving, strong, and fun" while we did our yoga poses. I hope it helped, if in just a small, simple way. I hope they will learn that they have something meaningful to offer the world!
However, after my work at camp, I am wondering - whose self esteem were they measuring and reporting in that documentary?
I ask this with a story in mind that has been haunting me over the last week. I had seen a cute activity online that I decided to do with my group at camp. (Remember that the majority of my kiddos are on the autism spectrum, or have severe ADHD or anxiety related issues). The activity was to read The Giving Tree out loud, and then have the kiddos think of a gift that they give the world to write down on an apple. Then I figured, we'd draw a big poster of a tree and post the apples on it to display in our classroom. I read the kids the book. Most of them were familiar with it and the idea that one should not be selfish or take too much from nature. They were less familiar with the concept that, even when we think we have nothing left to give (the stump at the end of the story), we may just be the very thing that someone needs. However, the second the words came out of my mouth that we were going to write down the gifts we give the world, one of my girls burst into tears. She was so convinced that she had nothing worthwhile to offer, this "assignment" made her overwhelmed and extremely upset. Another kiddo refused to write something down (even when given multiple suggestions) and became upset when I decided to write something down for him and post it anyway.
I was flabbergasted. Many of the children were able to write down something simple like "nice" or "kind" on their apples, but a few truly did not believe they had any positive qualities. It made me sad, and it made me remember to be compassionate. These kiddos may seem "oblivious" at times, but they certainly are not. They are often well-aware of how they are perceived by the world.
After some thinking, I decided to focus on affirmations in the next yoga class I taught as a sort of "antidote" to this negative thinking. We all shouted out that we are "joyful, truthful, loving, strong, and fun" while we did our yoga poses. I hope it helped, if in just a small, simple way. I hope they will learn that they have something meaningful to offer the world!
Tuesday, July 24, 2012
Getting back into it
There's always something that gets in the way, isn't there? Well, to re-cap, since my last post, I have had some super amazing awesome experiences, and some that are...the opposite of that. Let's start with the good!
For one thing, I got to travel to the great state of Michigan for the first time ever, and see my best friend get married. That was pretty darn amazing. (That's us at her wedding rehearsal, which was also my birthday!) I had one of the most memorable weeks of my life, spending time with Beth & Jason, Beth's family, hiking, kayaking, eating, swimming in Lake Michigan (which is amazing, btw), and just feeling happy and full of love.
Since then, I've started one of the toughest jobs of my life - as a camp counselor at a special needs camp. It is ...so many things. I could write a million blog posts about it, and I hope I will once I have more brain functioning.
The other thing that has kept me from doing anything productive has been the world's worst illness ever - BRONCHITIS. Ugh. I'm still not better, and it is super frustrating. I had such high hopes for this summer of being super fit and active and swimming and doing lots of yoga...and mostly, I just sleep. And then sleep some more.
But I leave you one tidbit related to education that I just read about in the Atlantic. A retired Air Force Commander began a job as a special ed teacher after retiring from the military. "When asked which was easier—being a military commander or being a teacher—he didn’t hesitate. 'Commander.'"
Somehow that makes me feel a little better about finding my job so hard, but also makes me wonder....why *don't* teachers get more extensive simulated practice dealing with behavior management before they teach? Why do we find the "throw you into the deep end of the pool and hope you swim" method to be acceptable? I thinking DOING is the most important part of learning, but if we can come up with some creative ways to practice more extensively before we have to deal with kids who actually need our help, wouldn't that be better?
Since then, I've started one of the toughest jobs of my life - as a camp counselor at a special needs camp. It is ...so many things. I could write a million blog posts about it, and I hope I will once I have more brain functioning.
The other thing that has kept me from doing anything productive has been the world's worst illness ever - BRONCHITIS. Ugh. I'm still not better, and it is super frustrating. I had such high hopes for this summer of being super fit and active and swimming and doing lots of yoga...and mostly, I just sleep. And then sleep some more.
But I leave you one tidbit related to education that I just read about in the Atlantic. A retired Air Force Commander began a job as a special ed teacher after retiring from the military. "When asked which was easier—being a military commander or being a teacher—he didn’t hesitate. 'Commander.'"
Somehow that makes me feel a little better about finding my job so hard, but also makes me wonder....why *don't* teachers get more extensive simulated practice dealing with behavior management before they teach? Why do we find the "throw you into the deep end of the pool and hope you swim" method to be acceptable? I thinking DOING is the most important part of learning, but if we can come up with some creative ways to practice more extensively before we have to deal with kids who actually need our help, wouldn't that be better?
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